That is a very strong word, and there is only one person I will ever truly hate, and that person is myself. I'm such a fucking lie to myself. I say that I'm happy but behind all of that unemotional shit is how I truly feel; and that is depression. I wouldn't say I'm extremely depressed but I would say that I'm getting there, inch by inch, and I hate seeing myself getting closer and closer, my mom has it and I do not want to go through what she went through, so I've been lying to myself my whole high school years, and know, I finally fucking realize that I need to cut that shit out, my life is worth nothing, sure, I have great friends and family but that is all I will ever had and if I lose that then I just might as well die. My life will be for fucking nothing and that is something I do not want to think of. Yesterday, I finally had a breakdown of keeping all of my sadness and frustrations bottled up inside of me from freshman year and it all poured out. My mom thinks I should see a psychologist, but I really do not want to and I told her no, and I want to get better, but honestly, I don't think I'm ready to admit that I'm depressed to some doctor when I can barely admit it to my fucking self. I'm such a fucking ridiculous and useless person, I can't talk to any of my friends, because I just can't I'm too afraid that it will bring them down and I wouldn't be able to deal with that either. It truly sucks. Mother fucker, my life is worthless. I can't get a boyfriend even if I try my hardest and I can't lose one fucking pound because I'm fucking disgusting and have no motivation. I'm a fucking emotional wreck and I thought of cutting myself yesterday because I couldn't bear the fucking pain, but instead I just wrote a poem and a short story to let out my emotions, which is a lot better thing than resulting to that. I've never actually cut myself to the point where it bled but it left red marks on my wrists for a day or two.
God I'm such a fucking loser.